That BNP Manifesto in Full

On immigration: Britain is full, go home, unless you are able to prove in writing your ancestors were present at Ye Greate Moot of King Eggbound the Unready in 1085. We’re also looking for British volunteers to leave, especially those who might, er, withstand the sunny climates of foreign shores better than, say, those with, er, fair skin. And while we’re at it, we don’t want none of them mixed marriages. Stay within your own village and look for a marriage partner. Or better still, your own family.

On health: owing to acute staff shortages in the NHS caused by repatriation, see above, there may be some interruptions to normal service for the next 20 years until a new generation of indigenous British doctors and nurses can be trained up. In the meantime, call our self-appendectomy helpline on XXXXX
{Your call is important to us. Please ensure you have plenty of Dettol and hot water close at hand}

On defence: yes, we’re quite happy sitting here, thank you.

On climate change: Ooooh, that’s a toughie. Let’s see. Carbon, hang on, carbon is black, right? So it’s a BAD thing. Oh, wait, though, Carbon EMISSIONS, right, that’s pushing out the Carbon, isn’t it? OK, pushing out the black stuff? Yes! we’re all in favour of that. Put us down as a “yes” to Carbon Emissions!

On postal services reform: white envelopes good, BROWN envelopes bad. Next?

On foreign policy: it starts at Calais.

On Europe: see above.

On agriculture: in future, cows can only be black, or white. And kept in separate fields. Not black AND white, and certainly not Swiss Brown. And if you have a dangerous dog, you’ll have to “muzzle-im” Ha ha! Muslim! geddit?!?! Especially Afghans.

On crime and justice: fiery torches and pitchforks will be provided.

On industry: Er… oh.

That’s all, Volks!