Monday 25 January 2010

The Week's Good Cause

And now on Radio Four, a special appeal for the victims of the Goldman Sachs disaster.

It is all too easy, these days, when our TV screens are full of pictures of lazy Haitian people, lolling indolently amidst the ruins of their shanty towns, expecting people to fly half-way round the world merely to provide them with whimsical luxuries such as food, water and medical supplies, to forget who the REAL victims are, the TRULY unfortunate people in our society today.

Gerald is an investment banker, formerly in charge of a thriving, luxurious hedge fund. Unfortunately, in the autumn of 2008, owing to a staggering combination of greed, overconfidence and sheer brass neck of a kind only seen maybe once every fifty years, Gerald's hedge began to wither, and when harvest time came, Gerald, and many others like him, were unable to pick the juicy bonuses which were their staple diet, and on which they had, in previous years, gorged themselves to the point of gluttony.

Sadly, Gerald is not alone in his plight. His colleagues Tarquin, Peregrine, Toby and Ambrose are all in the same predicament. Each of them is heavily reliant on aid from the taxpayer, and down to their last Ferrari. (Except Tobes, who has a Lamborghini. Yah!)

Please give generously today, as much as you can afford. Even a donation as small as ten pounds would give Gerald the much-needed ability to re-light his cigar, while twenty pounds would allow him to resume his acquaintance with Columbian marching dust, and give up Shake N Vac. Fifty pounds would provide him with something to stick down the knickers of a Polish lap dancer, and two hundred pounds would provide him with some welcome refreshment, in the form of a bottle of his favourite vintage bubbly!

Please send as much money as you can, preferably in a wheelbarrow, and let us put some of the sparkle back into Gerald's existence, so he can once more resume his rightful place as a wart on the bloated underbelly of capitalism.

Thank you.

And now, the weather...

Friday 8 January 2010

Dear Anjem...

Dear Anjem

I have read your open letter to the families of British troops who have died in Afghanistan, and I hope you won’t feel it presumptuous of me if I reply with an “open letter” of my own. I have one or two points in addition to those covered in your letter, but I think the best starting point if probably if I quote your letter, with my response underneath.

May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon those who follow the guidance.

Thanks, same to you, but I will reserve my judgement until I find out what “the guidance” consists of. Plus, why are we limiting peace and blessings only to “those who follow the guidance”, whatever it is?

Following the public announcement of an impending procession by islam4uk (a branch of Al-Muhajiroun) through the Market Town of Wootton Basset we thought it only appropriate that we provide an explanation and a little more about the purpose behind the procession, especially to the family and friends of those who have died there and who may have been led to believe that it is merely an act of incitement or provocation.

Well, I don’t think it is “merely” an act of incitement or provocation. I think you have other intentions besides merely incitement or provocation.

We begin by inviting all non-Muslims to Islam, the perfect and most beautiful way of life, a favour from Allah (God) to mankind to take him out of the darkness of worshipping his own desires to the exclusive worship, submission and obedience of Allah alone, without partners and to testify the Messenger-ship of the final Prophet Muhammad (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). We urge you to embrace Islam and save yourselves and your family from the hellfire and not to believe the lies and distortions which the Western media and non-Islamic regimes would have you believe about Muslims and their true intentions. Islam means submission and the Muslim is the one who submits to the will of God in his life. Verily the Messenger Muhammad told us that whoever heard his name from the Jews and Christians and did not believe would be held accountable for that on the day of judgement.

Yeah yeah yeah, yadda yadda whatever: heard it all before, from the Catholics, I am afraid. It doesn’t scare me, I’ll take my chance. God knows I have striven to find him and keep up a relationship with him all my adult life, despite my many imperfections, and if he’s really all-knowing, all powerful and all-merciful, he’ll cut me a bit of slack on judgement day. Next!

We start by pointing out what many wise people already know i.e. that the British public have once again been lied to by their politicians about the war in Afghanistan. What began as a fight for freedom and democracy and to protect the human rights of the civilians and to find Sheikh Usama Bin Laden (by the use of B52 bombers) has today become a campaign to protect the security of the British public back home and it has gone from being a campaign which could be completed without firing a weapon within 3 years to one which could go on for 40 or 50 years with a heavy cost to the participants.

We seem to agree about the origins of the war in Afghanistan at any rate. I am not sure about the B52 bombers, I rather think the Americans use a variety of more modern aircraft. War aims do have a habit of shifting as the situation develops, though. One of the other things we are currently supposed to be doing in Afghanistan is establishing a secular democracy as an alternative to the Taleban. Surprisingly, I also agree with you about the fact that the security of the UK cannot be guaranteed by fighting on the streets of Helmand. In fact, in that respect, we are probably making the situation worse because we are creating more fundamentalist nutters by being there, and in truth, the only real reason we can’t just pull out and leave you to it is that if we did, Pakistan would be the next to go.

In actual fact the foreign policy of the USA and UK is not about protecting the rights of Muslims or propagating democracy and freedom nor is it about the threat posed by the people in Afghanistan to the British public at all, but rather it is to establish their own military, economic, strategic and ideological interests in the region. The rich resources of Afghanistan, its position on the cusp between the Indian sub-continent, Southern Russian, Asia and China and its populations call for the Shari'ah are the real reasons why the military has sought to establish a permanent role there, no matter what the cost to the lives and wealth of the indigenous people or indeed their own.

The “rich resources of Aghanistan? " You are kidding, right? – the place is an inhospitable shithole with a medieval infrastructure. If it was that great, we’d all go and live there. I prefer to live in Yorkshire. That tells you all you need to know about Afghanistan. And “its population’s call for Shari’ah” - does that include all the women who are denied opportunity under the Taleban’s version of Islam?

Pivotal in this is the desire to prevent Muslims from running their own affairs and establishing an Islamic State if they so wish but rather to maintain a puppet in the area (Mr Karzia) to maintain and protect Western interests.

The problem with that assertion is that however much you may dislike Karzai or think he is a puppet, equally I can’t see the Tabelan allowing a free election where the population are allowed to put up anti-Taleban candidates, can you? So the depressing choice for the ordinary people of Afghanistan seems to be between a US puppet government that may at some point lead to a secular democracy, or backsliding into authoritarian rule by a set of humourless beardy twonks making up rules on the spot to oppress women, gays and anyone else who they decide their imaginary friend has told them not to like. A group who would be ridiculous if it weren’t for the fact that they have access to weapons and high explosive.

In order to create an atmosphere where these greedy objectives can be accomplished the Western and even Eastern media have constantly shown atrocities being committed against the ordinary people of Afghanistan and Pakistan, in markets, universities and public gathering places and have then blamed these on the perceived enemy, in order to discredit any legitimate struggle for liberation and in order to demonise them in the eyes of the world and thereby justify the occupation and real intentions. The truth about such bloodshed and mayhem is only now becoming public knowledge after information about the real perpetrators has emerged (such as the CIA related agency Black Water). The billions of dollars paid to the Pakistan regime by the USA/UK alliance and to the Secret services in Pakistan, their army and to the Karzai Afghan regime by way of bribes has led them to slaughter their own citizens with the help of the USA/UK and to then blame the Taliban in an attempt to subdue those seeking liberation to fulfil their right to run their lives by divine law and to protect the US/UK military and economic interests.

I am a great one for conspiracy theories, but even I draw the line here. So the Taleban are entirely blameless and the people who are shooting at our troops and setting roadside bombs are actually the CIA and Blackwater. If you believe that, how do you feel about the Tooth Fairy, Elvis working in the chip shop, and the B-17 bomber on the moon?

With additional atrocities being committed by the USA and UK through indiscriminate air raids and other operations the number of ordinary Muslim men, women and children who have been killed has reached horrendous proportions. Not to mention the torture and abuse of basic rights by the occupiers in Afghanistan, such as in Bagram Air Base, the case of Dr Affia Siddiqui being a clear and brutal example.

I agree it is regrettable that when it comes to targeting, the USAF sometimes seems as if it couldn’t hit a cow’s arse with a banjo, and I would remind you that our troops have suffered from this as well.

There is no doubt in most people's minds that the final conclusion to the current conflict in Afghanistan has already been written. Ultimate victory for those fighting in their own backyard, familiar with the mountains and plains and their supporters who struggle to protect their sanctities from the foreign aggressors cannot be denied. The signs for this are already appearing with incohesive thinking among the British and American chain of command, the crippling effect of the war on their economies back home and the depression of the soldiers realising that there is no real moral or ethic reason for them to murder innocent men, women and children to fulfil their politicians agenda. Blaming a lack of equipment is one of the ways in which politicians have tried to shift the focus. It is noteworthy that unlike among the US and UK soldiers, there has not been one reported suicide or attempted suicide among those resisting occupation.

I don’t think either side has the capacity to win outright militarily in Afghanistan, and “ultimate victory” would depend on our forces withdrawing. And the fact that our soldiers may have committed suicide probably indicates that unlike the Taleban, they have a conscience and think about what it is they are doing.

As a consequence this can only mean much more destruction for the USA and UK sons and daughters sent by their uncaring leaders to their deaths. After all this would not be the first time that this region has acted as a grave yard for empires in history, notably the British and Russians.

Yes, and the professionalism and dedication of our armed forces means that they will stick it out as long as they are asked to.

It is worth reminding those who are still not blinded by the media propaganda that Afghanistan is not a British Town near Wootton Basset but rather Muslim land which no one has the right to occupy, with a Muslim population who do not deserve their innocent men, women and children to be killed for political mileage and for the greedy interests of the oppressive US and UK regimes.

You can’t fool me, I have an A level in Geography. Nobody deserves to be killed for political mileage on either side. Tell it to the Taleban and Al Quaida.

The procession in Wootton Basset is therefore an attempt to engage the British publics minds on the real reasons why their soldiers are returning home in body bags and the real cost of the war. The conflict in Afghanistan is not an ‘honourable' defence of British values and a cause for the British to remain secure,

Insofar as is about exporting democracy, it is a defence of British values of a sort, though again I agree with you that it is not making us more secure.

rather the presence of the US and UK forces in Afghanistan is the cause of instability in the region and a cause of insecurity for the British people back home. The parades, the speeches about soldiers doing their duty and the feeling of patriotism has obfuscated the reality of the conflict and the murderous crimes being committed by the occupiers and their agents. The British public is blissfully unaware of what is being done in their name by the Blair/Brown regimes and were the truth known no doubt the pressure to withdraw all troops immediately would be much greater.

I wouldn’t expect you to understand this, but it is perfectly possible to be proud of the armed forces and their professionalism, and our country, while disagreeing with the current rationale for the war. Also, please remember, our troops are bound by rules of engagement, whereas the Taleban are free to plant bombs wherever they want and undertake random acts of suicide bombing, safe in the knowledge that if by any mischance they also kill a few innocent civilians, they can rely on useful idiots like you to blame it on the CIA. Fortunately, I don’t know anyone who has died in Afghanistan, but I do know that the son of someone I work with was badly wounded out there, including possible permanent damage to his eyesight, in an explosion. He was trying to help a wounded Afghan when it happened.

It is our desire to end the cycle of violence and the quagmire in which we find ourselves in today in Afghanistan.

Well, I am with you there. However, I suspect your methods and motives would be more likely to create a similar style war on the streets of the UK, rather than ending one in Afghanistan.

For the British public to do their duty and force their regime to save their children from death and destruction, from an oppressive and costly campaign and to stop the occupation of Muslim land. We realise that, especially in times of war, we are up against a very sophisticated propaganda machine and no doubt raising awareness about the painful truth of this conflict will unleash a torrent of abuse from the media and government against us, who have their own predetermined agenda, however the world is today also small enough for those wishing to verify the truth to be able to do so via the many news and information outlets.

Well, you surely knew when you announced the intention of marching through Wootton Bassett that you would unleash a veritable shitstorm of abuse and hatred, which of course you immediately seize upon for your own ends to prove the supposed anti-Muslim hatred you believe in and see everywhere, to provoke precisely the response you received from the dimwits and meatheads who make up the BNP and the English Defence League, and who have started the “Stop Islam4UK” pages on Facebook, where morons a-plenty have been posting semi-literate racism. You must have been chortling into your beard at all the additional publicity, when previously you were the decorative border on the edge of the lunatic fringe and, if truth was told, you probably represent about a dozen people, if that. Moderate Muslims have certainly distanced themselves from you, although of course this hasn’t been picked up by the media you purport to despise so much, who have in fact preferred to speak to you instead of the more moderate practitioners of your supposed faith.

So it’s a bit rich to be complaining about the reaction to your announcement when in fact, getting precisely that reaction was precisely your aim in making the announcement in the first place!

In common with many people, Anjem, I must admit I was a bit hazy about you and your group, in fact I was under the impression that it had been banned. I have had a look at your web site and I have to say it cheered me up no end. I am not saying some of your ideas are beyond Barking, let’s just say they are a long way off the A12. The chief religious justification seems to be that Shari’ah law is a good thing because Allah said so, and because Allah said so, that makes it a good thing.

We had a group of people in this country who used to think like you. They were called the Puritans, and it was 300 years ago. Since then, we’ve developed universal suffrage, democracy, healthcare, women’s rights and free speech. You ought to give it a try. Meanwhile, my answer to your posturing on the web site is the same one as Shakespeare put into the mouth of Feste in Twelfth Night, talking to Malvolio: “Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?”

Obviously, the irony of the fact that it is only in the UK, whose values you seem to despise so much, that you have the freedom of speech to spout such tosh, is completely lost on you. Try posting anti-government propaganda web sites in Iran, or having a provocative march through Teheran.

Well, for what it’s worth, Anjem, I think they should let you have your march. And I think the people of Wootton Bassett should come out and line the streets in silence, just to show you that this is what makes Britain different. We do, still, just, have free speech and you can demonstrate to make your point, however unpopular, as long as you do it under the rule of law. The same law that applies to every citizen equally, established and refined through nine centuries of practice and precedent, not handed down by some beardyweirdy cleric and made up on the spot. I’d also like you to hold your march because I would like to see, once and for all, just how many supporters you can muster. I would guess at about 15.

Which is why I find it very depressing when I see your views represented as being those of Muslims. There are apparently 2.4 million Muslims in Britain today, the vast majority of whom want to get on with their lives in peace. That is anathema to you of course, because your raison d’etre seems to be to foment disharmony and conflict and stir up hatred of Muslims, in the pursuit of some mythical “Islamic” state that neither they, nor the remainder of the population, apart from you and your acolytes actually want.

When the Puritans couldn’t get their own way, they eventually packed up and sailed off abroad to find a new world. Sadly, though, not before their legacy led to a bitter and divisive civil war for two decades in England.

I suppose it’s too much to hope that you would do likewise and sail off into the sunset, before your calculated stupidity causes something similar to happen again?